Dating women has opened my mind to the different KINDS of relationships there are/should be. There’s the: ‘we belong together/through thick and thin’ type, and the ‘great love/raising kids/last’ type, and the ‘we never should have gotten together but the sex is AMAZING’ type, and the ‘rebound. I loved her, but she broke my heart’ type, and then the ‘teenage love affair/first love’ type.
I was thinking about the lyrics to Alicia Keys’ Teenage Love Affair, and that’s EXACTLY what I want. It makes me laugh: it appears my therapist was right on all manner of levels; I’m an adolescent, and what I want is a teenage love affair. I want what I didn’t have in high-school, you know? I want to meet someone and hang out and be friends and be attracted to them/they be attracted to me. I want to kiss in the dark at some party and have text message conversations. I want to kiss sweetly and gently and touch on someone’s couch. Eventually, I want to go all out/have sex, but I don’t want the ‘burden of performance’ of the collegiate interaction. Hooking up in college can be rough- people expect you to know what you’re doing. I want to explore with another explorer, you know? Take my time. I want to giggle- lots- and take field trips and be SOBER so I can BE NERVOUS (which is another thing that we collegiates tend to not be). I want to carve her name in a tree and talk about books and the future, and fall madly in love, and look into her eyes for, like, years, and it not work out. I don’t want a domestic partnership. I want soft hips and soft skin and teenage…haha. I want my brother’s opportunities as a 22/23-year old woman, because I’m not in a rush…I just really want that lightness and optimism and childishness that’s in the ‘Teenage Love Affair’. I included some of the lyrics, so you could get an idea:
Another secret meeting
On the 5th floor stair case
I’m wanna give you this letter
Of all the things I cant say
Want you to be my first my last my ending and beginning
I wrote your name in my book
Your last name my first
I’m your Mrs.
When the lights are on outside
Could you find somewhere to hide
Cause I just don’t want to say goodbye
Cause you are my baby baby
Nothing really matters
I don’t really care
What nobody tell me
I’m gunna be here
It’s a matter of extreme importance
My first teenage love affair
Hey boy
You know I really like being with u right?
Just hanging out with you is fun
So maybe we can go to first base
Because I feel you
Second base
Want you to feel me too
Third base
Better pump the breaks
Well baby slow down
I gotta go home now
Cause the lights are on outside
Wish there was somewhere to hide
Cause I just don’t want to say goodbye
Cause you are my baby baby
